


You Can't Fight The Homestuck

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Auspistice, F/F, F/M, Kismesis, M/M, Multi, matesprit, moirail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:52:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4492518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Karkat Vantas<br/>You are roughly sixteen human years old, and your blood is a mutant red.<br/>You are about to begin an adventure to find love, hate, and friendship in a totally messed up world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Karkat: Wake up

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: If there is sex (And, knowing me, there will be sex) it will be nooks and tentabulges, none of that human genetalia (unless humans are participating, of course). So, if that disturbs you, please exit this page and go find something more to your taste.
> 
> Also, most places and objects will be refered to in human terms (Kitchen, couch, hampster, ect, edt)
> 
> I'm just gonna point out that this is a wierd Alternate World where all the Homestuck characters live together on one planet/galaxy, whatever. So, not canon stuff.

You wake up and get clumsily out of your recuperacoon. After yawning and rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you head immediately to the shower before you get the sopor all over your bedroom.

You enter the bathroom and shed your pajamas, dark grey pants and a black shirt with your symbol on it, both items were gifts from Jade Harley for what she calked your "15th birthday". The idea made no sense to you because you'd never had a birthday before, let alone 14 of them. You took the gift anyways, a way to try and make up for all of the times you trolled her, and still planned on trolling her in the future.

Now completely undressed, you step into the shower and close the curtain because you hated cleaning up puddles of water on the floor after a shower.  
You reach over and turn the water on cautiously, then promptly jump out of the way with a small shriek to avoid the spray of ice cold water that shoots out of the showerhead towards you.

You practically hug the end of the shower stall, trying to avoid the stream of water until you feel it warming on your feet. You melt away from the wall and sink into the water, letting yourself be drenched immediately from head to toe.

You wash quickly and try not to spend an embarassingly long time washing your hair for fear of having your masculinity questioned. But damn, your hair is so thick and messy, it's hard to keep clean!

You finish up and get out of the shower. You snatch a towel laying haphazardly on the the counter and dry off your body quickly, and rub your hair off a little, leaving it mostly wet because you like how the moisture gathers in little droplets on the strands of your hair that hang in your face. Which is totally gay. And you don't give two fucks about it.

You drop your dirty pajamas and your towel in the hampster and exit the bathroom, making a mental note to bring the items downstairs to the washer later to have them cleaned.

You rummage around in your dresser and grab a set of clothes that looks and smells relatively clean. You put on your normal, and only, outfit; grey jeans, black shirt with your symbol, and sneakers. You don't even bother trying to comb your hair because it would turn out as even more of a unkempt mess than normal.

With all of your morning preparations completed successfully, you leave your bedroom and go downstairs to the kitchen to silence your stomach, which has been growling at you since you woke up.

Upon entering the kitchen, the scent of frying bacon and burnt toast assaults your nose, causing you to swear loudly and cough into your clenched fist.  
You look around for the source of the smell and find Dave Strider and John Egbert standing in your kitchen, obviously bickering over the burnt toast that was stuck to th- How the hell was the toast stuck to the ceiling?! That question was answered for you as the offending square of burnt bread fell to the ground, leaving a yellow stain on the ceiling. Either it was butter... or they killed Sollux and was using his blood to affix toast to the ceiling. At the moment, you aren't sure which scenario is easier to believe.

"What the hell are you two doing here?!" You growl at them from the doorway, effectively interupting their spat with the dangerous tone of your voice. Your eyes narrow slightly and you can nearly see the blood draining from their faces as terror makes them freeze. Until they burst out laughing at you.

"You're not a morning person, are you, Karkles?" Dave asked you, snickering none-too-quietly as he abandoned John and turned back to frying the delicious-smelling bacon, not even bothering to answer why he was in Karkat's hive so early in the day.

"Karkat's not an 'anytime' person." John teased as he stooped to pick up the toast on the floor. "He's too busy trying to look scary to be friendly."

Your pride is seriously injured and you flip the human off with both hands, no longer caring why they are here, you just want them to leave. "What the hell are you talking about, nooksucker? I am scary! I don't have to try!" You defend yourself vehemently, knowing quite well that you are lying through your teeth. 

"Of course you are, Karkles," Dave says patronizingly as he pulling the bacon off of the stove and taking the individual pieces out to cool on a plate. "Your candy corn horns are absolutely terrifying."

You have no idea what the hell a candy corn is, but by the way John burst out laughing hysterically at the offhanded comment, you can tell that it's not something to be scared of.

"Fuck you both." You grumble, shuffling over to the fridge and, after getting a cup off of the cupboard, get a drink of water out of the dispenser in the door.

You go sit at the end of your small dining table and sulk. You sip your water sullenly as Dave and John chatter awayin the kitchen. You glare at the wall pointlessly, refusing to admit that you are waiting for them to come in and join you.

Karkat: Face the truth; you're no more scary or intimidating than a kitten


	2. Dave: Eat breakfast and converse with John and Troll

When John woke you up at 6:35 am, you were quite tempted to run him through with one of your shitty swords and go back to sleep. But, knowing him, even a life-threatening wound wouldn't stop him from doing something once he'd put his mind to it.

So, you got up and agreed to go with him to Karkat's hive and make breakfast... for some reason that you couldn't understand. You guys had your own kitchen, in your own house, with your own bacon. But you were tired as fuck and didn't want to argue, so you soon found yourself in the troll's kitchen, frying bacon while John seriously fucked up making toast. 

John REALLY fucked up making toast. Like, really, he was the mother of all shitty toasters. You felt obliged to inform him that his toasting skills were shit, and a troll without arms could probably make better toast. Of course he got offended at that, he's so sensitive, and he proceeded to yell at you, but you were cool as ever and just let his fit run it's course.

Right about then was your spat was interupted by the troll yelling at you two, which, obviously, caused you both to stare at him.

For a moment you thought you were going to keel over with laughter, but you held it in, and from the way John was turning pale, he had the same problem. 

You couldn't help wanting to laugh though, he looked so fucking hilarious, like shit-crazy hilarious, it was nuts. His hair was all a tangled, dripping mess, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his teeth were slightly bared. All of that might have been scary,... if he hadn't had those two stubby little horns poking out of his fuck-ton of hair, almost like some jive-ass 'candy corns'. He was fucking cute! In a creepy,.. alien, monster way. Not that you ever thought that... No way.

After Karkat went into the dining room, you and John talk a little bit while you show him how to cook toast 'the cool way', because you honestly can't go wrong when it comes to doing things the cool way. 

Soon enough, you have a meal fit for a king, or at least two humans and a troll, sitting on the table. By that point, John is sitting next to Karkat's end of the table, jabbering cheerfully about whatever stuff he and Jade had been doing lately. You have to hand it to the kid as you sit down opposite John, he knows how to keep Karkat's attention. The troll's eyes are wider and his frown softer, though you're sure he isn't aware of it. He smiles when John says something funny, and you find yourself thinking that he should do that more often. But only so he can get some pretty girl troll pussy, or whatever it was trolls have, not because you think he looked better smiling... No way. 

You fill yourself a plate of food and begin eating, listening to John's story with the same amount of rapture that Karkat was now displaying, though you do it in a cool way. 

As the meal progresses you're all laughing, and eating, and making dirty jokes, mainly just so Karkat will look confused when you and John start laughing at something he doesn't understand. Then you laugh twice as hard when he asks you what's so funny. 

Overall, the meal goes over well and Karkat doesn't seem to think again about why you and John are there. 

You enjoy yourself immensely, and do not, in any way, shape, or form, find yourself staring at Karkat out of the corner of your eyes more than once. Nope... No way. 

Dave: Quit lying to yourself 


	3. John: Back out of conversation and quietly escape

You are John Egbert and you are filling Karkat Vantas' Auspistice quadrant, unknown to Karkat, of course.

You took the posistion upon yourself one day when you found the little troll drowning in a puddle of depression because of his lack of moirail, matesprit, and kismesis. You decided that the poor sucker needed some action, so you set about your self-appointed job; getting him some action.

Of course, you knew that your best friend, Dave Strider, and Karkat were totally destined to fill eachother's red quadrants, if Dave even had one. They were so crushing on eachother it actually was hard to watch when it got really bad.

Like now, for example: The way Dave keeps peeking out of the corner of his eyes at Karkat, which you can tell he's doing, even if he has his shades on. And then, of course, as soon as Dave looks away, Karkat peeks over at him, and then there's an endless repeating of the pattern with neither of them ever actually catching the other's eyes.

It's really wearing on your brain to watch these two dance around eachother. It's like trying to force two of those little plastic magnetic sticks together, the kind you used to play with as a kid. You remember how hard it was to try and shove those two opposing ends together through that little 'rubber ball of invisible energy' that was always trying to stop you. You wish they'd just pail already so you could go back to goofing off with your videogames, and pesterchatting with Jade and Terezi, who you've forgiven for killing you, accidentally or not.

You pick up your last piece of bacon off of the plate and slowly munch at it, watching and waiting for something to happen between the two. And it does.

"What're you gonna be up to today, Karkat?" Dave asked, looking cool as a fucking cucumber with those damn shades if his, but behind the shades was a different matter. His eyes were curious and interested, completely the opposite of what the tone if his voice suggested.

"I'm probably going to lock myself in my room and program, dumbass." Karkat snarked, his voice taking on a growl-y sound to it. You want to laugh when you see a small shiver run through Dave's body at the sound of Karkat's growl. But, of course, you'd never call one out on your friend like that, so you keep quiet and watch, just like a good auspistice should.

'Oh no. They're gonna fight again. Damn them.' They can't just accept the fact that they're in love with eachother, they have to be all stubborn, pig-headed, and totally blind to their obsession with eachother. It is making your job a lot harder than it really needs to be. 

You've thought about trapping them together in a room with 6-inch thick steel walls and a security-grade lock that only opens from the outside. You wonder how long it would be before they got down to business. With their stubbornness, it could be fucking months before they finally admitted that they're in love.

You sigh to yourself in sheer frustration and decide to clean up the dishes. You clear off the table, your ears blind to the arguement going on between the two clueless dipshits. You take the dishes into the kitchen and dump them into the sink. You then proceed to clean up the burnt toast mess, seeing as how it was your fault.

As you work you keep your ear tuned into the voices in the other room, if not for purposes of your job, then purely for your own amusement. They would go back and forth at eachother, hurling insults and swearing; displaying bravo acts of machoism, unconciously trying to impress the other. Then one would say something accidentally sexual and the other would retort with a flippant snark that made it even more hilarious, and then they'd sit there in awkward silence for a while until the fighting started again. All the while you are standing in the kitchen, choking back giggles as you listen to them.

It seemed like eternity, but eventually they stopped bickering, and by that time they were both blushing and embarassed. 

You have finished the dishes and are patiently waiting in the kitchen for conversation to start up again, which it does. And you take that moment as your cue to very stealthily hightail it out the back way and leave those two to it. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll wind up in some awkward situation where sex is their only way out. How opportune would that be, right?

You sneak outside like the stealthy ninja that Dave taught you to be. You can see Kanaya and Rose walking in your direction, and also, in the direction of Karkat's hive. So you decide to go warn them off and, maybe, see what they are doing today. You could use a break from the matchmaking business and you wouldn't mind hanging out with the matesprits.

Dave: Quit slacking off


	4. Rose: Converse with John and Kanaya

Your name is Rose Lalonde. You are 16 years old, you have short blond hair and you are the chainsaw-wielding, vampire troll's matesprit.

You and Kanaya are going to see Karkat at his hive, not because you're fond of the rather obnoxious young troll, but because Terezi had pestered your matesprit the previous evening and requested that she and you go to check on the mutant-blood troll.

You honestly find it quite cute, how Terezi tries to use you and Kanaya as in-between moirails when she really wants the job for herself. It's obvious to anyone with eyes that she wants to be his moirail, but it could be because of her blindness that she won't admit to it, or it could be that she doesn't want to have her pale feelings rebuffed by the overly-sensitive troll.

Of course, it's really none of your business what Terezi does, so you try to think of something else. Luckily, at just this moment, you see John slipping out of the back of Karkat's hive and hightailing it towards you like the devil is on his heels. 

With all of the trouble your friend gets himself into on a daily basis, you won't be too surprised if he has somehow raised the ire of Satan himself. Thankfully, no large, demonic creatures are chasing after John when he comes to a stop directly in your path. 

"H-hello, Rose, Kanaya." He smiles widely at you and your matesprit. "What are you two doing out today?" He asks, his words a little mutilated by his panting breaths.

"We were on our way to visit Karkat," Kanaya says in that smooth, unconcerned way that you have come to love. "You have just come from his hive, perhaps you could inform us of his current state of body and mind?"

"Terezi asked us to check on him." You supply helpfully when your friend opens his mouth, no doubt to spout off on a long and tiresome train of questions about why you and your matesprit were going to see Karkat so early in the morning.

John nods in understanding, but still refuses to move from your path. "Um... He looked pretty healthy to me." He said, cracking a nervous grin. The sight made you wary, there were not many things that John would be nervous about.

"Well, I think we're gonna go see him anyways." You say, snatching up Kanaya's hand and brushing past your friend, set on a direct course to Karkat's door.

"No!" John nearly shrieked, grabbing the back of your shirt and tugging you back. "Dave's in there with him!"

_That ___gets you to stop in a hurry. You immediately spin around, nearly giving yourself whiplash. "They're in there _together ___?" You ask, implying quite intensely what you mean. You can feel Kanaya's tense form beside you, you know that she's a little concerned about this new turn of events.

__"They're not pailing or anything... I think so anyways." John blurted out, not even bothering to think about the decency of his words before spitting them out, how predictable. You should've known better than to ask him a question even mildly related to anything indecent._ _

__You are about to strap him under a bright light and demand details when your plannings are interupted by the sound of a door slamming closed and a loud crash shortly after than. You are immediately concerned, and even more so when you see Dave, completely unaware of your presence, running off in the opposite direction._ _

__A feeling of dread rushes through you and you feel a little bit sick. Okay, scratch that, you feel really sick. You look at John and his expression mirrors what you're sure is on your face; wide eyes, high brows, and a gaping mouth._ _

__You're too sick to even laugh when you both, at the same exact time, release a worried. "Fuck"._ _

__Rose: Leave John to Karkat and go find your brother_ _


	5. John: Go to Karkat

Shortly after you see Dave rush off, Rose drops you like an old shoe, grabs Kanaya's hand, and rushes off after her brother. You don't blame her one bit. After all, if it were Jade that was running off, you're pretty sure that you would go chasing after her to see if she was okay. Your worry at the moment is not Dave, your worry is Karkat.

You steady yourself as you go back to the hive you had left only moments earlier, preparing to do anything and everything that you can to help out your friend, if anything is wrong, that is.

You walk inside and jump when your feet crunch on glass two steps in through the door. You look down in surprise and find the shattered remains of what looks to be an ordinary drinking glass under your shoes. 

You are now even more concerned than you were before. Why was there a broken glass near the door? You thought it would be a good idea to break out some mad sleuthing skills and discover the answer, but at the moment you are more interested in finding Karkat. 

The red-blooded troll is mysteriously absent from the livingroom and the kitchen, causing your fear to rise. Which is completely unnecessary because you check his bedroom next and find him tapping away at his computer... half-naked?

You are quite confused about why the young troll is without a shirt, but you are so happy to see him alive and well that you really couldn't care less.

"Hey, Karkat, what's going on?" You ask, concern ebbing away into nonchalance. 

When he refuses to turn and acknowledge you, it's only normal, except that he isn't speaking to you, that isn't normal at all. _Normally_ he takes any and every opportunity given him to go on and on about his almighty leadership and superiority. But this time... Karkat is deathly quiet.

The lack of response begins to bug you after about 34.7 unsuccessful tries at starting a conversation, so you, too, lapse into a deathly silence. 

You lean back against the wall and watch Karkat's back, your blue eyes seeing, but not truly _seeing_ what was going on. It is kind of annoying.

You watch his ears, noting how they were drooping pathetically, and his shoulders seemed to slump just the slightest bit. You see him shivering and h- _Wait. Shivering? It's at least 90 degrees in he-_ Your mind goes completely blank as you watch as a single drop of red slides down his cheek, leaving behind a red, transparent stain on his grey skin.

You don't even remember telling your legs to move, but you find yourself standing on the floor next to the computer, your arms full of Karkat's little frame as he sniffles pitifully and tries to muffle his crying in your shoulder. 

You are completely baffled by the unusual and strangely out-of-character behavior of the young troll, but you say nothing about it. You keep him tugged against you, quietly crooning reassurances to him as you comb your long, slim fingers through Karkat's beautiful, unruly mess of black hair. 

You smile when you feel him slumping and melting against you, purring contentedly as he drifts off into the sweet, relaxing grasp of sleep's gentle hands. 

You gather up his much smaller frame and carry him to his recuperacoon, seeing as he has fallen asleep against you. You are astounded by your size difference. When you started growing, Karkat didn't, and now you tower over him. 

You carefully lay the sleeping troll down inside the green slime, making sure to keep his head up out of the sopor. Your heart aches when you stand back and look down at him. His cheeks are shiny and red with his tears, old and fresh alike, some clinging stubbornly to his ridiculously long lashes. You smile at his sleeping form, recognizing easily why Dave was so in love with the troll. 

You turn away and leave the room quietly, not wanting to wake your friend. That wouldn't be good. 

You trudge into the diningroom and sit down at the table. You decaptulogue your computer and immediately log onto Pesterchum. You scroll through your online friends and you smile when you see a familiar and welcome name.

ectoBiologist - started trolling -gallowsCalibrator

EB: Hey, Terezi  
GC: H3ll0, JOhn  
EB: I need your help, I've got a major crisis on my hands  
GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1 C4R3 4BOUT YOUR TR1V14L HUM4N PROBL3MS?  
GC: B3C4US3 1 R34LLY DON'T, JOHN  
EB: It's not my problem, Terezi, it's Karkat. I'm at his hive and he just had some sort of an emotional breakdown! It was scary, honestly  
GC: ... 1'LL B3 TH3R3 R1GHT 4W4Y  
EB: Okay, good

gallowsCalibrator ceased being trolled by ectoBiologist


	6. Terezi: Face the problem

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you are quite unsettled as you make your way to your numbskull of a friend's hive. 

When John told you that Karkat was having a breakdown, the bitter remains of your heart froze up and you were suddenly terrified. You know how dramatic Karkat is, so it was easy for you to calm yourself at first. Until you tasted the bitterness of agitation and fear lingering in John's blueberry font. Then you were very worried.

You logged off and gathered a few of your much-needed items, such as your cane, an extra pair of clothes, and a large stick, in case you needed to go on the hunt for some unlucky bastard who made your dear Karkitty distressed. Gog, you sound like an infatuated schoolgirl! You make yourself sick. 

You fly to Karkat's hive, literally fly, on a rocket board. Normally you wouldn't bother with such frivolous and seemingly useless object, but it tasted so deliciously like cherry-red candy that you couldn't resist trying it out. And, after a few failed tries, you learned to navigate with the board expertly and it became your preferred method of transportation, after all, flying _is_ faster than walking.

Your trip to Karkat's hive is short and you land right near his doorway. You step off of the board and leave it where it lays, not bothering to put it away in your rush over to the door. You don't even bother knocking on the door and just burst inside like you own the place. You really don't think Karkat will care, and you really wouldn't give two shits if he did care.

"John?" You ask, sniffing around as you shove the door shut behind you with your foot. "I know you're here, John, don't try to hide from me."

"I'm not hiding." The voice sounded to the right of you where you know there is a doorway leading to the livingroom and the stairs. "I was just in the livingroom."

You grin at the human, tasting his shiver when your tongue darts out between your sharp teeth. "Where is Karkat?" You ask, not in the mood to play along with his absurd human crush on you. You have more important things to do.

"He's still out in the recuperacoon." 

You pull out a chair at the table and sit down, settling in and sighing heavily. "Set your ass down in a chair and tell me what's going on, John." You demand, turning your head in his general direction to flick your tongue out and smell the scent and flavor of his presence.

The sound of the feet of a chair scraping against the floor meets your ears and you turn towards it, smelling John's movements, there was something... weird about the way he smelled. It was unusually salty for John's scent.

"Well, this morning me and Dave came over and fixed up some mad breakfast for us three," he began. "Karkat came down and found us, did his customary yelling as soon as you see eachother, and then went into the diningroom. Me and Dave finished the food and then we all had some great breakfast and weirdly friendly chatter between us. Then, I just kind of backed off and let them be alone because they kept making oogly eyes at eachother and I didn't want to stick around and watch if my two best buds started swapping saliva." 

You nearly choke on the heat of his embarrassment as he delves into the next part of the story; exlaining how he cleaned up a little and then left the two in the middle of one of their typical arguements.

"So, you just left the two of them together while they were fighting? And you didn't expect _something_ to happen between them?!" Your voice is rising in volume with each sentence, but you can't tamp it down. "Don't you know that Karkat is going through his cycle?" You hiss furiously, groping out and grabbing the front of John's shirt and shaking him around a little bit. 

"He's what?" John squeaks.

"He's going through his cycle. It's somewhat similar to what humans refer to as a 'mating season', but it's not so much needing to breed, more like just feeling a deep urge to have your quadrants filled and satisfied."

John seems to be stunned into silence, which you thank god for. The numbskull of a human being is just so... infuriating. So completely clueless and blind when it comes to troll culture and, more so, the romances.

You would roll your eyes at his ignorance if you could, but you can't, so you settle for standing up. "I'm going to go check on Karkat." You say as you leave the room and John behind.

Terezi: Lighten up


	7. Karkat: Wake up... Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some feels...

You wish that you could've woken up with a peaceful mind fresh for hating everybody, but unfortunately you didn't.

When you wake up, the first thing to seep into your mind is the horrible thing that happened earlier in the day.

Like a dark cloud settling over his head, a fog of depression surrounded him. He couldn't get the memory out of his head. The thought of what _he_ said...

_"At least I have friends, Strider!" You yell at the blond human, purely out of anger. "No one but John can even stand you and your ironic bullshit." You are well aware that the words spilling from your lips are lies born of hurt and frustration. You don't mean it. You really think Dave is a cool guy, but you can't stop the venom pouring from your mouth._

_"I may not be the most popular guy," Dave says, his sudden, unfamiliar, stony silence unnerving you. "But at least those who are my friends actually care about me." You can see the muscles tensing under the fabric of his shirt and you prepare for a blow that doesn't come._

_"_ No one _cares about you. You're just an empty mouth running off in the backs of everyone's minds... You. Don't. Matter."_

You can't remember much of what happened after that. Your head had been pounding, your eyes were wet and Dave was speaking into his shades, apparently getting trolled by someone. He was completely ignoring you and he just left, without saying another word to you. You can't remember when you picked up the glass, you can't even remember throwing it. You weren't able to remember much of anything until the glass shattered on your back door.

You move forward, leaning your arms on the side of your recuperacoon and resting your chin on your arms. You feel the heat burning behind your eyes and you try to blink it away, but it's persistent and your vision blurs with tears.

_"You. Don't. Matter."_

_You don't matter, Karkat._

_No one likes you._

_You don't matter..._

_No one loves you._

_Everyone hates you._

_But no one hates you enough._

_You'll always be by yourself, Karkat. Because you... don't... matter._

You sniffle quietly and bite your lower lip, ignoring the slight sting as your fangs open small cuts in your lip. Small tears land on your arms, painting red-tinted lines down on them. You don't know what you're going to do. You are so confused and frustrated. Your heart is clenching painfully inside your chest, feeling as though it will be crushed.

You hurt worse with every beat of your heart and more tears spill down your cheeks. A small sob chokes out of your mouth and you duck your head down, pressing your forehead against your arms, releasing the dam and letting it all out.

You cry.

You are wounded. And you let your metaphorical wound bleed, so that it can heal.

A niggling voice in the back of your mind shames you for acting like such a wriggler. _Troll up and quit bawling like a grub!_ But you ignore it. Because that fucking voice in your head doesn't know how much you're fucking breaking up right now. Damn that voice.

You don't hear her come in, which is probably why you know it's her when a hand is suddenly carding through your hair. You are unresponsive at first, just letting her pet you gently. But as you calm down and your sobs subside into sniffles, you push your head against her hand and peek up at her, too tired to be embarrassed that she is seeing you in such an open and vulnerable state.

Her unseeing eyes, hidden behind the red lens, seem to be looking at you forlornly. Her mouth isn't turned up in it's normal snarky grin and, for some reason, that just makes you even sadder.

"Is there room for one more in there?"

You nod wordlessly. She can feel your head moving and proceeds to put her walking stick away and clamber into the bed of sopor with surprising accuracy for a blind person.

You don't move from where you are as her body slides into the slime next to yours, and you don't need to. She wraps her arms around you and pulls you back against her chest, one hand coming up to mess in your hair again as the other wraps around you. She doesn't say anything, because she knows what you need.

You wiggle around until you're facing her and you cling to her soft body, reveling in the aura of comfort and reassurance she was giving off.

You know that she isn't like this for anyone else as you bury your face in her neck, your chin resting just above the soft rise of her breasts. And the fact that she isn't like this for anyone else, just makes it all that much more special. Because you both have a side that only the other knows about, and that is truly amazing. 

She doesn't say a word as you cling to her, she simply threads her slim fingers through your hair and lets you cling to her in her arms. 

And just now you realize that Dave was wrong. Because to Terezi,... you _do_ matter.


	8. John: Pester Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, it's been like 9 days and I haven't updated, so I figured you guys could use an update.

You are still sitting at Karkat's dining table, picking at your fingernails and waiting for Terezi and Karkat to come down the stairs arm-in-arm, sobbing all over one another in some weird kind of troll problem solving thing. Hey, maybe you could make him feel better by doing that dramatic Nick Cage thing with him and give him a bunny... or a hopbeast as he's insisted upon calling it, which you believe is really weird. You ponder that thought for a moment...

Nah, Karkat couldn't stand it when you gave the bunnies to the little Jane and Roxy,.. or was it Jade and Roxy? Maybe, Rose and Jade? No, surely it was Jane and Rose. Maybe. Whoever it was that you gave those bunnies to, Karkat had not enjoyed the scene AT ALL. You're pretty sure Vriska would've liked it. You make a mental note to tell Vriska about it so she can use her laptop and go back in the timeline on trollian and watch it.

You tap your feet against the floor, quite bored with just sitting there, it is actually starting to piss you off. Shit, now you're starting to sound like Karkat, but it isn't weird for something to piss him off, _everything_ pisses him off. Everything. It's like the very fabric of existence itself is a personsl offence against him. Regardless of how frustrating it is to deal with him sometimes, it also makes for a lot of fun times with the red-blooded troll.

You chuckle as you think of the earlier banter between the three of you, Dave, and Karkat. It was 'hella fun', in Dave's words, of course. 

While thinking of Dave you decided to contact him and see if he is alright. You are wearing your awesome glasses alchemized from your glasses, a computer, and a personal wifi hotspot, which was a completely pointless addition, because nobody in the entire universe except for Rose ever needs wifi to use their electronic devices.

You use your kick-ass glasses and open pesterchum, glad to see that Dave seemed to be active.

ectoBiologist Started Pestering turntechGodhead

EB: hey, dave, what's up with you and karkat?  
EB: he was kind of freaking out on me when i went to check on him.  
EB: hello?  
EB: are you here????????  
TG: Don't do the spiderwoman thing, that's all shit sorts of fuckin creepy.  
EB: fine  
TG: ...  
EB: Well?  
TG: Well what?  
EB: well, what happened with you and karkat?!  
TG: Oh that? I flipped him over the kitchen table and fucked him until he couldn't breathe, then absconded the fuck outta that shit hole.  
EB: 0_0'  
TG: I'm just kidding. We got into a scuffle, I kicked his ass.. in the non-sexual sense, and then Tav called me in for my mad auspisticizing skills, so I split and headed over to his hive to try and stop Equius from detaching Tav's sweet-shit robo-legs.  
EB: oh good  
EB: i think  
EB: anyways, i just wanted to make sure that you were okay, with all that was going on.  
EB: you didn't say anything to him, did you?  
TG: Nope, nothing at all. I flung my tirade of insults and barbs at Karkles using my hands  
EB: riiiiiiiight, okay  
TG: The Vriska thing again, John. Seriously, please stop, shit's freaky!  
EB: sorry, it's become kind of a habit  
TG: Yeah, I can sehhhhhhhhhhhjdvkojfw5i,:[hqxqru9or3yovs2th,ptew6k svdwg  
EB: ummm, dave? what's going on, bro?  
TG: Sorry, John, I gotta go, Equius is about to disable Tavros' legs

turntechGodhead ceased being pestered by ectoBiologist

John: Return to being John

Fuck no, this kid's awfully bored, you've got to be somebody else!

John: Be Dave?

Now this is more like it! This kid's about to get into a shit load of trouble, he looks like fun!

John: Be Dave


	9. Dave: Auspisticize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of jumping around, because it's Homestuck!

You are once again Dave Strider.

Dave: Strike a cool pose

No way! You are way to busy to strike a cool pose, mainly because you are already too busy striking a cool pose as you defend Tavros' and his legs from a fuming Equius. 

Fuck this auspistice shit, you should've just told Tav to look somewhere else when he came to you, all big brown eyes and sniffles, telling you that Equius was threatening to take away his legs... again. It seems that's all the guy ever threatens to do. But no, man, you couldn't have refused the kid in need, so you agreed to be the auspistice for the kismesis relationship between the brownblood and the blueblood. Worst decision of your life. 

You've gotten more bruises than a motherfucking soft-skinned hoe after a night with a sadistic bastard. Yeah, whatever, bad reference. You've got a lot of these totally sick bruises anyways, and you're not too keen on getting into another brawl with the big blue fucker, which is why you keep your sword at the ready.

Equius might be a strong motherfucker, but he could break and he could bleed, it was just a disturbingly blue event when it came to that.

Which is why you want Gamzee to get his royal 'motherfuckin' ass up and calm down the freak blueblood goliath reincarnate. But, as usual, Gamzee likes taking his sweetshit time with things and is sitting off to the side, his painted face slopped in a pie tin, with several more empty ones spread around him. He was stoned to mother jegus fuck and back. He would surely not be any help.

But, also as usual, Gamzee proves you wrong. Like that one time you would've never guessed that he was a psychotic raging murderer who cut the head off of his dead best friend and strangled his most loyal subject to death with a bow string after shooting an arrow through his leg. Because you were _so_ wrong in thinking that Gamzee was harmless. You now know that Gamzee is very dangerous... and to keep him stoned out of his mind at all times.

Anyways, bad thoughts aside, Gamzee surprises you by standing up and swaggering over to Tavros with a grace that only he could posess while as stoned as he was. He threw his arms around his matesprit and kissed him soundly, getting a surprised squeak out of the younger troll. His hands slip down to the base of Tav's shirt as his tongue languidly slides between his own lips and int- Fuck, why are you even watching this?!

You turn around and want to grin when you see that Equius seems to have the same problem as you do. A thick sheen of disturbingly blue sweat is already gathering over his skin and dripping in thick droplets down over those bulging biceps, the sculpted torso, exposed by the thin tanktop sticking to it, soaked through with sweat. His glasses have slipped down, exposing blue-rimmed eyes that are filled with undisguised longing that you can easily understa- Wait! Why the smuppet-loving fuck are you watching this guy? Gamzee has tamed the beast by petting the puppy and you're pretty creepily sure that if you leave right now, they'll wind up in some sort of twisted troll threesome. 

You know. You've got a feel for these things. An instinct, it's located right next to your gaydar in your brain. Yeah, you are also good at finding out the gays. You discovered this fact when Bro had one of his friend's over too study when you were just 7 years old. That gaydar went off the motherfucking charts at the sight of Jake English. And you're still pretty sure that it was because of that kid that your gaydar started going off whenever you were around Bro after that.

For a brief moment you wonder if Bro had a gaydar. And if it went off around Dave...

You know what, let's get back on track and abscond the fuck outta Tav's hive before you get a front seat to a lot of really fucking hot gay trolll porn.

On second thought.... No. No, you should definitely abscond.

Dave: Abscond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants some of that hot gay troll porn to make up a few of the next chapters?


	10. Nepeta: Go look for Equius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been gone for a while, but hey, I try to have a life. XD

Your name is Nepeta Lejion, and you are currently looking fur your meowrail because you can't find the big oaf anywhere. You are beginning to worry because he has a bad habit of getting himself into trouble and an even worse habit of NOT getting himself in trouble by following the desires and commands of anyone who decides to express them to him.

You wander around for a while, uselessly calling out his name and asking everyone that you see of his whereabouts. Of course no one knows where he is, because he's not the most liked of trolls. But, strangely enough, it seems that you are not the only troll around looking for him.

When you stumble upon Sollux and Aradia and ask them about it, they tell you that a certain sea-dwelling prince has been in search of your meowrail all day long

This news alarms you greatly because you know that the relationship between Eridan and Equius is not one of friendship, nor even one on the lines of a blackrom, though they did hate eachother passionately, you don't know if it isquite the same kind of hate on both sides. To you, it seems that Eridan's hate is a distinctive loathing that is perfect for Blackrom, but Equius' hate is more of an indifference towards the seadweller, regardless of the purple blood flowing through his veins.

You would never let either know, but you may or may not have a shipping of them in a caliginous romance on your wall somewhere. You can't help yourself when it comes to shipping your meowrail with other possible red and black partners, it's way too exciting for you to try and imagine him happily in both Red and Blackroms.

Anyways, enough thinking about your shipping chart and all of the ships you have up there! It's time to go find your meowrail and make sure that he isn't duped into something awful and depraved that he will only moan and whine over later.

Nepeta: DON'T GO FIND EQUIUS!

Nepeta: Go to Equius' hive and wait for him there.

Uuuuuugh, fine. You grudgingly agree to go to Equius' jive and wait for him to return. Unfortunately, you discover that you're not the only one with the idea, for when you enter the hive, you find none other than Eridan Ampora himself perched upon the "sofa" looking smug as the cat who ate the canary.

Nepeta: Stay calm and do not attack Eridan

Nepeta: Forget that noise!!! Tackle pounce that fishy bastard!!

You surprise the seadweller with a furious tackle pounce and you both go flying to the floor in a heap of olive green and violet.


	11. Equius: come home and find your moirail and a seadweller tussling in your floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is kind of explicit-y-ish??? I dunno. Just mentions of pailing, suggestive shit, and mentions of nooks and stuff. 
> 
> Sorry it's been so long, I just got my shit back on track. So, enjoy.

Your name is Equius Zahhak, you don't need any more of an introduction than that, because everyone already has had enough of hearing about your love of musclebeast pornography in the original comic.

You are coming hive from a quite physically and mentally exhausting session with your kismesis and flushcrush. Yes, you're a sad desperate fuck who crushes on other people's kismesis', it's okay, you'll move on with life eventually.

All that aside, as you approach your hive, you hear strange noises coming from inside the already partially open door. What could possibly be going on inside?

You push open the door and step inside cautiously. The sounds are louder now, and you can make out several swears and hisses that sound specifically like... Your moirail? What was Nepeta doing here? And what were you going to do?! She couldn't see you in such a state! 

Blue, brown, and purple was smudged all over your legs and your shorts barely covered it. Your striped pants had been left at Tavros' hive on accident, and you hadn't even realized what a mess you were until you took stock of yourself in a mirror.

_Oh fiddlesticks_

Your hair was kind of stuck to your neck and you still had some smears of purple along your lips. You remembered the way that had got there and you immediately broke out in a sweat. 

You ducked into the nutritionblock and set to cleaning yourself up. Purple washed down the drain of he sink with blue and a few streaks of brown. You could just imagine what the floor of the ablution stall would look like when you cleaned the... Rest of your body.

The thought of that Royal Violet spilling out of your nook made your bulge stir in its sheathe _again_. Fuck this. You decided that you were as clean as you could be, and you needed to get the intruders out of yor house before you could get up to your block and get the material out of your nook.

You straightened your hair and glasses, and then traveled into the sitting room. You were shocked to your core to find Nepeta sitting on top of a very frightened seadweller, her claws bared and ready to strike. 

"Nepeta?!" Your voice seemed to break your moirail out of whatever rage she was in because she jumped back at the sight of you. "What in the name of the horror terrors are you doing?"

Her eyes seemed to take in your appearance, a look of dawning understanding on her face. "I... I was just taking care of an intruder for you." She said flippantly, as if she hadn't just been about to rip Eridan's earfins off.

"I thank you for the concern, but I am perfectly able to take care of my own bothersome intruders." You said, eyes dropping from her to the seadweller lying on the floor. It seemed he wasn't quite ready to get up, or he was too scared to.

His earfins were dropped back defensively, and his arms were clutching at his sides, you couldn't be sure, but you thought you might be seeing a few Violet trails down his cheeks. Goodness graciousness, what had she _done_ to him?

You sighed in resignation and walked over to him, bending over and offering him a hand that he didn't take. 

He shuffled to his feet, eyes still cast on the ground. "Sorry for botherin ya." Was the only words you heard from him before he was fleeing from your hive. Wel, more like shuffling half-heartedly, arms still clutched to his ribs and earfins drooping.

The door closed behind him and you turned to glare at your moirail, who was trying to look innocent. "What did you do to him, Nepeta?" You asked, more out of concern of the highblood anger stuff than anything else.

"I just tossed him around a little bit." She answered, smiling sweetly enough to make our teeth hurt. "And, maybe, kicked his ribs a few times? He just wouldn't stay down!"

You sighed in resignation and resisted the STRONG urge to facepalm. "This is ridiculous, Nepeta." You grumbled. "I need to cleanse myself, you will either wait here, or leave immediately." 

"I'm fine, I'll be going, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She said chipper as can be. "I'll be going now!"

You grumbled and nodded your agreement. "Very well, just leave the seadweller alone." You gave her a pointed glare from behind your glasses and she just nodded before leaving.

You sighed in relief and headed upstairs towards your ablutionblock, so ready to get the material out of yourself.

You easily ignored the niggling thought in the back of yor mind that wondered what Eridan had wanted.

Equius: Be someone else while you clean up.

Be Eridan? Nah

Be Dave? Nah

Be Karkat? Nah

You know what? Fuck you. We're being Dave.

**Author's Note:**

> Tags, characters, and relationships will be added as the story progresses.


End file.
